he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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