dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
