My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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