Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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