On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
