when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were trust falling into bushes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
