Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
