i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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