My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
