he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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