i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize