end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
