I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
