A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
