Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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