I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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