when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
