Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize