Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
