I'm drive I can fine osifer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
