She's JV to your varsity
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
