It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
