The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
