I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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