i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
