I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
