spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize