So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
