The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize