Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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