I faked an abortion last night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
