You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
