# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
