remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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