Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
