suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
