I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
