I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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