just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
