my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
