Need sex. Gaining weight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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