so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
