Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
