Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
