The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
