"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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