i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize