moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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