do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
