Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize