They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize