Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
