You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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