Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
