I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
