Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
