you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
