what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
