'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
