I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
