I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
