And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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