dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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