Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
