I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
