I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
