I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
