What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
