I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize