when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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