Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
