Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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