My Higher Power is John Stamos
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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