Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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