Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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