and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize