So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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